Where I Feel At Home- Harry Styles
Reblog if you look. Warning- Extremely emotional
“I don’t want to leave yet.” Harry said, looking up at the boys. “Take me home.”
“Harry we can’t..Holmes Chapel is far away and you are very weak.” Niall said, crying as he spoke. He couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“I don’t mean Holmes Chapel.” Harry said, sitting up slightly to which Louis and Zayn helped him.
All the boys immediately knew where he meant.
* * * *
The boys arrived at the bungalow that had meant so much to them all. It had been quite some time since they had been there. It had been quite some time since anyone had been there.
Louis pulled into the driveway, taking a glance at Harry. He was silent like he had been the whole ride there, they all had been. But Louis couldn’t help but smile softly at the happiness that grew on Harry’s face as the car came to a stop.
Niall and Zayn rushed to Harry’s door, helping him out of the car. The boys walked in a horizontal line, Zayn and Niall on opposite side of Harry to help him walk.
“Home.” Harry whispered, pausing to look at the bungalow.
They entered the bungalow, all of them looking around. It looked exactly as it had the last time they were there.
Harry walked around slowly, the rest of the boys stood still and watched him. He touched the walls, he touched the sofa. He smiled as he saw the coffee table and walked over to it.
“Niall, you slob.” He said, picking up the bag of chips that were left open. The boys laughed softly.
Harry stopped in his tracks, looking at something in the corner of the room. He walked slowly to what it was, picking it up.
“Here.” He said, walking to Niall. He handed him the guitar that was left here from so long ago.
“Let’s go outside. Like we used too.” Harry said, walking over to the glass sliding door and opening it. It was heavier than he remembered it being.
Harry sat down in one of the chairs, Louis sitting next to him. Zayn started a fire and Niall played around with the strings of the guitar.
Harry shivered, though he was wearing many layers.
“Here, take my sweatshi-” Liam began, getting up and starting to take it off.
“I’m alright. Thank you though.” Harry said, looking up at him.
“Do you remember the first time we stayed here? We were on the x-factor then.” Zayn said, finishing up the fire and sitting down.
“It was the best time of my life.” Harry said, the boys nodding in agreement.
“It’s crazy how much can change within three years.” Louis said, his eyes staring blankly into the fire.
Once Niall had finished tuning the guitar, he played a single chord.
“Ah, there we go. Nice and tuned.” He said, picking the strings. “I can only imagine when the last time I played this guitar was.”
“Can we do one last song?” Harry said, after a moment. He stared at the guitar before looking questionably up at the rest of the boys.
“Don’t talk like that Harry. You’re strong, you can fight this.” Zayn said, his eyes tearing up a bit.
“I can’t, Zayn. It’s been almost a year of me fighting. There isn’t anything left of me to fight with.” Harry said, almost inaudibly. “Please, one last song.”
The boys all nodded sadly.
“What song?” Niall asked, his voice shaking as he readied the guitar on his lap.
“You know which one, I think.” Harry said, ignoring the sounds of the boys crying around him. Niall nodded his head slowly, also crying.
The first chords of Torn began, and Liam started singing.
When Harry’s part started, the boys could hardly keep it together. They were amazed at how beautiful his voice still sounded, though it lacked the power it once had.
It was extremely hard for the boys to sing through the tears, but they had to do it. They had to do it for Harry.
At some point during the song, Louis had grabbed Harry’s hands. Zayn and Liam pulled their chairs next to Harry’s.
The song came to an end, the final chord ending and leaving the five boys in the silence of the night.
The boys sat within the silence for quite sometime. None of them could talk, nor did they feel the need too.
Harry got up suddenly, all the boys looking at him in confusion. He walked to the sliding door, his back towards them. The boys hesitated, watching him still.
He wobbled, stumbling a bit and grabbing a hold of the door. This was when the boys stood up quickly, but stood where they were and watched still.
Harry rocked back and forth a bit, before falling backwards and landing on his back. The boys rushed over to him, kneeling next to him. Louis placed his hand under his head, the others had their hands on various parts of him.
“Harry, are you okay?” Louis said, pleadingly.
Harry lay there silently, his eyes fluttering. A nostalgic smile grew on his face.
“Quick, someone call an ambulance!” Zayn said, looking at the other boys. Liam took out his phone and began dialing.
“No..don’t.” Harry said, softly and pushing Liam’s phone down.
“Harry you need help.” Niall said.
“I don’t want it. This is where I want to be. I don’t want anyone taking me away from here. I don’t want anyone taking me away from you guys.”
The boys all began silently crying. They had held it in for so long now that they all gave up trying to hold it in.
After a moment, Harry’s eyes opened slowly and looked at the boys.
“I’m scared.” Harry said, his voice shaking. He lay on the cold grass, shivering.
“Don’t be. We’re here, we aren’t going anywhere.” Louis said from above him. He had a tight hold on Harry’s hand. It was so tight that Harry began losing feeling in it, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t about to let go.
“Do you think it will hurt?” Harry asked, this time looking up at Zayn who was on the other side of him.
The boys didn’t like to talk about this. But they knew it was coming.
Zayn shook his head, a soft smile growing on his face. He had stopped crying now, but the tears remained on his cheeks.
“Nothing can hurt you Harry.” He said, placing a hand on Harry’s shoulder. He shivered slightly as he felt how bony Harry was. He was almost unrecognizable.
Harry had once had a full body. It was thick and toned, and very muscular. Now, nothing but skin and bones was left.
That wasn’t the only thing that was different about him. His lips that used to be bright pink, were now pale and chapped. His skin was yellow, almost. Dark bags lay beneath his eyes. The thick and long curls that were on his head were gone now also, leaving nothing but a shining head. The one thing that was the same were his bright green eyes.
Harry had stayed strong through most of this. But he couldn’t quite hold on for much longer.
He looked up into the faces of all the boys. They meant so much to him. He had barely been away from them for more than a week, and the thought of being away from them forever….that was what scared him the most.
“What if…what if I’m really just..gone? What if there is nothing after? Nothing but blackness and emptiness.”
Liam’s eyes began to water as he saw the fear in Harry’s eyes. Harry was someone who never got scared.
None of them knew what to say. After a few moments, Liam spoke up.
“I promise Harry. We’ll be together again someday. You know that.”
Harry nodded his head slowly. Then, the tears began to pour.
“I’ll miss you guys.” Harry said, his eyes flashing between all the boys. He could barely speak through the sobs.
“We’ll miss you more.” Niall said softly, and under his breath. He wiped beneath his eyes, knowing it wouldn’t matter since the tears would pour out anyways.
“Please don’t stop singing. Please don’t stop making music because of me.” Harry said. The boys pursed their lips and shook their heads.
“Harry…how could we ever continue without-” Louis began, before Harry put his fragile and bony hand up.
“Please, for me.” He said, softly.
Zayn closed his eyes, tears falling once more.
“For you.” He said, resting his hand on top of Harry’s. It was so cold.
“I love you all.” He said, and all the boys muttered it back.
“This isn’t the last time we will be together, I know it. We were meant to spend a life time together. This isn’t going to stop us.” He said, and he found that he wasn’t crying anymore.
“I want you to know, that when you guys are up on that stage, I will be there. Every single night. Nothing will change.”
The boys cried, listening to him talk.
“This is the place where I feel at home. But I’m off to a new home. One where I don’t feel pain anymore.”
His grip loosened slightly on Louis’ hands, but it held on still.
“Someday, we’ll all be on that stage together again. It just may be awhile.”
And then, his hand relaxed and fell to the ground. The rest of his body relaxed also.
Though the life was gone from his eyes, the soft smile remained.
I am in legit tears like many people are like omg I need buckets but im legit crying.